Cleaning out the Cobwebs

Starting this blog and writing about my experiences has, so far, been pretty fun and exciting.  I have had a great calm, quiet couple of days and it was pretty easy to write a couple of posts about things that are on my mind.  My mind is always racing from thought to thought and it was nice to get some of those thoughts out of my head.  But of course, all good things come to an end and the week started again with the normal craziness.  Suddenly, I haven’t an idea to grasp.  My brain is already fried and it’s only Tuesday.  This tells me I am doing something wrong.

I usually go to the gym or walk a couple of miles every day.  It definitely helps me clear my head and reset my brain.  But because the weather has been ridiculously rainy for the last couple of days, I couldn’t go on my normal walk and I wasn’t feeling the gym, so I did the normal thing.  I skipped it.  In two days my frustration level and ability to put up with people’s crap is at critical mass.  And I swear to you, the people around me know, absolutely know, when I have one nerve.  It’s like they caught the scent of weakness and they must circle the prey.  Don’t get me wrong, I love them and they love me, but holy freaking frijole!  I don’t understand this phenomenon.  The thing is, I know this is going to happen if I don’t follow through with working out or walking.  So essentially I am doing it to myself.  Which just makes me so angry!  I want to blame someone or something else so I’m going to, because why not?

There is a saving grace in this morass of frustration, irritation and anger.  I am fortunate enough to have a favorite family member who absolutely gets it.  We should have been sisters but it didn’t work out that way, which is probably a good thing.  I don’t know if we would get along as well as we do now if we had grown up in the same house.  I knew that I needed to spend some time with her to get my brain back on track and emotions under control.  She is always there for me with her sarcastic humor and alcohol, two of many reasons I love her.  Luckily she was available and willing to listen to the venting and had alcohol in her fridge.  Long story short, we laughed and drank a few and felt better. Now I am wondering if I did this on purpose to have an excuse to spend some quality time with her.

I don’t know why I choose not to work out or walk when I know I need to for my mental health, but for me,  it ended happily with one of my favorite people and alcohol. Now today, my mind is a little clearer and I am able to finish the week.  Hopefully I can learn to just work out already.  No excuses.  And also know I don’t need any excuse to spend time with people that make me happy.

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